i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
