so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
