I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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