I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
