i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
