Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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