I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
