I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
