You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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