yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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