Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
