your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
