Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
