Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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