matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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