she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
