It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
