did you get engaged???
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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