Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
