people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
