wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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