I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
