I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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