Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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