Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
