Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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