Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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