So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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