Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
