Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
