Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
