She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
