I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
