I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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