Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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