rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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