There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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