I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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