From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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