btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
