His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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