Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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