So drunk its hurt
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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