Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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