I think my fart just growled at me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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