Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
