Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
