he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
