just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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