life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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