you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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