note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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