1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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