Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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