On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
