Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am naked and annoyed.
Sext me about skeletons
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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