Nicole vs. Life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
