WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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