I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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