I hate your face
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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