Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
