saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
