I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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