why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
