i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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